Welcome to WNTR’s
“Middle of the Night Radio Shrink,” where pop psychology helps you make it
through the night. Tonight’s program
which is in honor of William Shakespeare’s 450th birthday features a
penetrating analysis of Shakespearean characters and how they relate to
YOU. Night Radio Shrink thinks that when
you admire certain Shakespearean characters’ qualities, you are really
expressing your own personality quirks. If
you’d like to participate live, send your tweets to #WNutterBillsBday.
For you happy folks,
we’ll start with the comedies. You’re on the air, Doc.
Rosalind, whom we
all know is the heroine in “As You Like It” is an impulsive lady. She’s
spirited and a meddler whose
favorite color is forest green. Her
hobby is climbing trees and she likes to dress in men’s clothes. Rosie’s ideal hook-up is any man she’s not
supposed to marry. The Buzz whispers
that there was a lot more going on in the Forest of Ardor than we need to
know. Let’s Dish the Dirt: Orlando
and Ganymede—I tell you…
Portia is the
poor little rich girl in “Merchant of Venice.”
She’s a quick witted, sympathetic, beautiful, and dutiful daughter. Portia’s favorite color is lead because she
knows that “all that glitters isn’t gold.”
She moonlights as an attorney while dressed as a man. (It’s a good thing her daddy is dead!) This lady’s favorite hook-up is any John Doe
in trouble with the law, or at least JD’s best friend. The Buzz says that Bassanio is just another
guy who slips off his wedding ring when he enters the bar. Poor Portia!
Let’s Dish: The whole casket thing was rigged.
Kate, is the
title character in “The Taming of the Shrew.”
Choleric Kate is a headstrong lady who’s ripe for the plucking. Her high
school graduating class voted her most likely to become a widow in ten
years. Kate’s favorite color is fire
engine red. Few people know that she
moonlights as a marriage counselor. This
elder daughter of Baptista looks for a misogynist as her ideal mate. The Buzz is that Kate wanted to become a
nun. Let’s
Dish: Her hubby said “ ’tis the mind
that makes the body rich”—RIGHT!
OK, Fellows, wake
up! I haven’t forgotten you. The History plays are just the things that
dreams are made of for our gentlemen listeners…
Richard III was
not well liked. This Prince of York
carried one heck of an inferiority complex on his shoulder (the lower one, I think). He balanced his complex with a strong streak
of homicidal mania and insatiable ambition.
His color reflected the gold of the blazing sun of York, tarnished by
the winter of his discontent. Richard
was relentless in the pursuit of his hobby, eliminating the competition. Marriageable women with claim upon the crown
really turned on this darling prince.
The Buzz quotes Richard’s mother.
She says, “my son was not a hunchback.
The boy just couldn’t be without his favorite dish, haggis, so he slung
a sack of it over his shoulder (the
higher one, I think) whenever he rode out to kill and cause mayhem.” Let’s
Dish: there are hints that, like Don Corleone, family meant everything to
Richard.
Henry V came
after Henry IV (both parts) and before Henry VI (all three parts). Like most middle children he liked to get in
people’s faces and have a good time.
Number V was energetic and fun to be with. He didn’t always choose his friends wisely,
hence Sir John Falstaff. In his family,
purple—the color of kings—was the only color. As a young man his favorite hobbies were
drinking and wenching but this prince of the blood turned our pretty well. He had a soft spot for French girls who
happened to be included in treaties. The
Buzz tells us that “men are merriest when they are from home.” Poor Kate! Let’s
Dish, “we band of brothers,” come on!
Stephen Ambrose said that first.
And now, as the
midnight hours pass into predawn, we’ll examine the tragedies. Lord knows the ole Doc is depressed tonight.
Macbeth, Thane of
Chowder and Oyster Crackers (just
checking to see if you’re still awake), began as a loyal subject and
fearless warrior. That is, until he met the three sisters, aka the weird
sisters, aka the witches. His ambition,
as well as his lovely wife, Lady Macbeth, urges him on to regicide. This man is
a very poor host. He is also superstitious.
Macbeth’s favorite color is said to be plaid. As a natural scientist, Macbeth collects specimens
like eye of newt, toe of frog, scale of dragon and tooth of wolf. His favorite
hook-up is a murderous, insomniac with a hand washing compulsion. (To each his own.) The Buzz is that his family told him not to
marry that girl! Let’s Dish: “They” say that
Macbeth has been seen wearing a skirt and daintily pointing his toes when dancing
the Highland fling.
Hamlet, of course
we have to talk about Hamlet, that broody, indecisive, arrested adolescent; talks
to himself too. Our prince’s favorite
color is ghostly grey and he has been known to hang around graveyards, the
morbid little twit. The lovely Ophelia just wasn’t his type, he’s Oedipal you
know. The Buzz tells us that the family gets a large purchase discount on
poisons. Let’s Dish: Uncle Claudius
took the fun out of dysfunctional. Grow up, boy!
Our final selection
for the night is a little known Roman general,
Titus Andronicus. Titus is a classic psychotic whose sole
motivation is revenge. When Ti is around
there is sure to be buckets and buckets of blood and gore. It should come as no surprise that this
totally out of control madman’s favorite color is blood red. His monomania is apparent in his chosen
specialist field, tit for tat and hand for hand. If the general had a preference I’d say that
a nice girl like Medea would strike his fancy.
There is a rumor that Titus was nominated for Father of the Year, but
his children all died before they could testify on his behalf. The Buzz advises: Stay Away From This Man. Let’s
Dish: This play is GOTH-ick!
But seriously, if any
of you listeners are the Titus Andronicus type, TEXT ME right now. Let’s
meet up because I’m sure we can get an afternoon talk show on TV. This all night gig is wearing me out!
Happy Birthday, William Shakespeare. For earlier Bardolatry tributes click on the
Shakespeare links on the left.
