National Parks on PBS

With regard to the Ken Burns' National Parks documentary on PBS--I should like to see more park and hear less polemic.

The University Brochure

I received a flyer in the mail today from the local university. The school advertises a new master degree program tailored for those over 65. Old students may enroll in the Pre-Senility Master of Old Age graduate program for credit towards their degree, or they may audit individual classes until it becomes necessary to make yearly minimum withdrawals on their 401k. If prospective students are institutionalized they may enroll in the distance learning program. This is an amazing opportunity, as the course listings will readily demonstrate, so forward this posting to your favorite senior citizen now!

Degree Requirements: Successful fulfillment of eight courses, a three-month practicum, and a thesis.

Required Courses:

• Physical Fitness (Pass/Fail) – Students will explore aerobic and anaerobic fitness. Proficiency in the following activities is required “Prescription Pill Container Physics”, “Dancing with Sore Bunions,” “The Peppermint Twist and Shout Back-out-of-Whack Tournament” “Bloodless Toe-nail Clipping” and “Facial Hair Removal without a Magnifying Mirror.” Independent study options depend on Medicare coverage plan.
  
• Tweeting and Texting – Students will tweet and text inane messages to other students until the entire class agree that face-to-face communication, letters, and phone calls are “a thing of the past.” Facebook and MySpace privacy issues will be addressed, then dismissed. Enlarging the number of cyber-friends and family is the goal. Annoying emoticon creation required.
  
• Buster’s Memory Boosters – A favorite course taught by award winning faculty member Beta Amyloid Buster. Strategies for keeping the old noggin sharp include Suduko, Crosswords, Solitaire, and Logic Puzzles. Professor Buster offers priority registration to students who confuse grandchildren’s names and/or who forget their anniversary. The location of the classroom changes for each session so that students with perfect attendance receive an automatic “A.” Pre-requisite: Remembering what you came into the classroom for.

Electives (Choose Five):

• Spending All Your Money – Students will devise a plan to spend all of their children’s inheritance before probate. Those who demonstrate they can do it on the very day of their death receive extra credit.
• De-Clutter Now! – Local psychiatric social workers team up to teach this class. Rules of Disengagement for your valuable collectibles, tattered letters, odd sized screws, photographs with heads cut off, clothes that will never fit, and refrigerated leftovers will be explored. Really, really important pieces of paper will be shredded for the final examination.
  
• Buster’s Memory Boosters – A favorite course taught by award winning faculty member Beta Amyloid Buster. Strategies for keeping the old noggin sharp include Suduko, Crosswords, Solitaire, and Logic Puzzles. Professor Buster offers priority registration to students who confuse grandchildren’s names and/or who forget their anniversary. The location of the classroom changes for each session so that students with perfect attendance receive an automatic “A.” Pre-requisite: Remembering what you came into the classroom for.
  
• Medication Slice and Dice – The high cost of keeping healthy just got cheaper when students learn to cut pills, skip doses, and avoid the donut hole. Extra credit for those students who can correctly sort all medications into their weekly dosage containers before dinner.
  
• Buster’s Memory Boosters – A favorite course taught by award winning faculty member Beta Amyloid Buster. Strategies for keeping the old noggin sharp include Suduko, Crosswords, Solitaire, and Logic Puzzles. Professor Buster offers priority registration to students who confuse grandchildren’s names and/or who forget their anniversary. The location of the classroom changes for each session so that students with perfect attendance receive an automatic “A. Pre-requisite: Remembering what you came into the classroom for.
  
• Buster’s Memory Boosters – A favorite course taught by award winning faculty member Beta Amyloid Buster. Strategies for keeping the old noggin sharp include Suduko, Crosswords, Solitaire, and Logic Puzzles. Professor Buster offers priority registration to students who confuse grandchildren’s names and/or who forget their anniversary. The location of the classroom changes for each session so that students with perfect attendance receive an automatic “A.” Pre-requisite: Remembering what you came into the classroom for.
  
• Conversation Ice-Breakers- How many illnesses, medications and conditions can the student introduce into conversations with friends, family and complete strangers? Specific strategies for dining, bridge, golf, grocery check-out lines, chance meetings, and other social gatherings will be designed to suit every situation. Students should come with a complete list of their “pre-existing conditions” on the first day of class.
  
• Practicum – Advisor permission required, in writing. Explore the “Good Old Days” in a meaningful manner. Students will spend three months in the local high school interacting with teens and teachers. Documentation of student’s reminiscence, lamentations, complaints, and helpful suggestions will be required. Multi-media preferred. The university will not be held responsible for fines, imprisonment, hospitalization fees, or damage to property.

Thesis (Required):
Each student is required to write, present, and defend a thesis. The topic has been determined by the university and is the same for all students. The thesis topic is Learning to Love Irrelevancy. This topic is non-negotiable. Creative and meaningful responses to the Irrelevancy of Old Age will explore topics like:

• “I paid the mortgage on our modest home on time and in full. Why do I have to bail out unqualified debtors in foreclosure?”
  
• “We purchased our fuel efficient automobile ten years ago so where’s my ‘cash for clunkers’—or is the car not the ‘clunker’?”
  
• “Medicare and Medicaid are not equivalent—did you know that?”
  
• “Where is that Money Tree my grown-up children think we have?”
  
• “My deadbeat brother-in-law owes me a bundle I’ll never see. Am I eligible for TARP benefits?”
  
• “If I were an AIG executive, how would I spend my Christmas bonus?”
  
• “My cemetery plot is ‘shovel ready.’ When can I expect the government’s stimulus money?”
  
• "Explore the movitations behind writing a blog no one ever reads."
• “Blackberry is not a fruit. Should the President IM anyone over 30? Do I care?”

Students should send thesis proposals to their advisors before the completion of their final course. You advisor will get back to you eventually.

Evaluation of irrelevancy will be determined by the Death Panel, whose decision will be final.

The Future for Networked Libraries

Many Illinois libraries—public, academic, school and corporate—are fortunate to be linked to one of a number of library systems. In other parts of the country individual libraries are part of a county or regional system. In these lean times all libraries are hard pressed to find ways to function with less money, higher operating expenses, and greater demand. It is crucial to the country that libraries survive and thrive in both these tough economic times and in future when the economy rebounds.

This is not the first time in recent years that the viability of libraries has been challenged. Information itself has become “capital.” The information society demands instant and universal access to that commodity. In the 1990s libraries re-invented themselves to meet the demands of the Information Age. In addition Web2.0 required libraries to collaborate, communicate and connect in new ways. Successful libraries re-defined their missions to include interactive services while preserving high standards for traditional resources and values. On the whole, libraries met the challenges of the nineties, and continue to evolve.

Now is not the time for libraries to become complacent. While most have learned to weather the rapid transformations of the past decade, change—a dynamic and continuous process—remains the persistent paradigm. In order to remain both relevant and accountable libraries must not only respond to change, but seek opportunities for innovation.

The suggestions that follow can facilitate innovation in library communities. Although these suggestions apply most readily to the public library, adaptation is possible for academic and corporate library networks.

1) Nodal libraries should be established within a system to:
· Consolidate resources,
· Focus reference and technological expertise,
· Eliminate duplication,
· Enhance service, and
· Be cost effective.

The principal function of the nodal library, in addition to their own local responsibilities, would be to answer complex reference and research questions. Expensive databases and subject emphasis could be distributed throughout the nodes. Smaller, local libraries would outsource non-ready-reference inquiries, saving their limited resources to focus on local services: children and teen needs, community resource nexus, recreational reading, literacy and technology education, program and entertainment resources. Smaller libraries would pay the nodal libraries a smaller amount than they would expend on reference databases and expensive research materials. Staff from smaller libraries could rotate their reference librarians into the nodal system for “reference credits” if desired. A seamless interface could be designed to facilitate communication between client and nodal information specialists that would reflect positively on the local library. Small, local libraries cannot be all things to all peoples. Adoption of a nodal library system would free limited funds for materials and local services while providing expertise and currency that an individual library may find too costly to sustain.

2) Using the best practices of Web3.0 (the Semantic Web) local libraries can
“push” information and agents to their service population. The local library would become a public resource “Cloud” pulling together in-house resources, local government and education entities, community organizations, and local business. For example, a patron/client asks for help preparing a resume because s/he has been laid-off. The library would act as “Resource Agent” providing books on resumes, DVDs for the job interview, local job advertisements, word processing and productivity software, links to counseling and networking groups in the area, a calendar of job related programming sponsored by the library and its partners, links to government unemployment resources, RSS updates on job openings, resume editing services, links to community college resources to upgrade skills with access to college catalogs and registration…You get the idea. The local library would become a linked-in First Resort in the minds of local users and the community.

Adoption of these suggestions would increase the value a library provides to its service community. Cooperation, communication, and collaboration are keys to the future. Libraries can lead the way forward. ©ettsme.blogspot.com September 2009.